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I’m not saying that rewards don’t work. They do – just as
punishment works for the short term. Punishment may stop the behavior for
the moment, but what about the long-term results. What is the child
learning and “deciding” while receiving the punishment? Some may decide
not to misbehave again to avoid the punishment, but they don’t decide not
to misbehave because their misbehavior doesn’t really serve them and
others in the long run. Most children decide to “avoid getting caught” or
to “get even”, even when their revenge hurts them as much as others.
Teaching adults to be aware of the long term results of what they do
(i.e., what children are learning and deciding) is a fundamental part of
Positive Discipline. So, the real question is, “What do children learn
(and what do they “decide”) when they get a reward?
Our workshops are very experiential. During one workshop, a school
psychologist was having a difficult time giving up the notion of using
rewards because she had been trained in “behavior modification”. It was
serendipity that she volunteered to participate in a role-play where she
was the child being “bribed” by rewards. At the end of our experiential
activities we always process by asking each person in the role-play, “What
are you thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding?” Before we could get to
the processing, she threw up her hands and said, “I get it. I’m sitting
here thinking about how I can get a bigger reward, and deciding that I
won’t do the chore unless I get something for it.”
Some people argue that our society is based on a system of punishments and
rewards. People get punished by going to jail if they commit a crime, and
they get the reward of a paycheck when they work. This is true. However,
our society is also based on a “higher” system. Most people have developed
enough “social interest” (respect for themselves and others) that they
wouldn’t commit a crime even if we didn’t have a system of punishments.
(And, the fear of punishment doesn’t stop most criminals. They just try to
avoid getting caught.) People who work just for the paycheck are seldom
happy in their jobs. People who are happy in their jobs feel an inner
sense of accomplishment and/or contribution.
Do we want to teach children to live by the “lower” system, or the
“higher” system? Personally I hope children avoid breaking the law because
of their inner convictions and respect for self and others rather than to
avoid external punishments; and I hope children develop the skills and
sense of self that motivates them to find satisfying work and to make
contributions to society – whether it pays well or not.
Well, Pauline, I hope this gives you enough information to make up your
own mind – in spite of my bias.
Jane Nelsen
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